A little less pain

Today I woke up not sad. I spent some time with my niece and helped her with some vocabulary. We discussed what synonyms were and I gave her some examples, then I told her words and asked her to think of synonyms for those words on her own. She did a great, fantastic, and excellent job! I however, can’t identify with any synonyms for happy so I have to simply find triumph in feeling “not sad.”! Now I know what you’re thinking, I’m being very glass half empty and I need to change my mindset, don’t focus on the negative, get out and fake it til I make it, pray about it. These are all things people advise me to do, and I’ve advised others to do too. The problem is, from those perspectives, “not sad” is being seen as a failure rather than a success. But my mindset is to grow and be better every day, I am the most glass half full person I’ve ever been, I constantly focus on the positive, my fake smile is on point, and I pray all the time. It doesn’t matter what I do or say, to people who have never felt this way, the comprehension of being “not sad” is difficult for them.

What people fail to realize is that I started at suicidal, crawled my way back to self-loathing, fought myself to get back to depressed, and settled into a feeling of emptiness. So, waking up today and looking in the mirror to say to myself, “I am not sad,” was actually such a victory.

Please celebrate people’s victories with them, even when you don’t understand. It may be the best day they’ve had in a very long time.

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