Blocked

Over the last few years, I have gone through many different emotions and self-discoveries. I made a decision to cut negativity out of my life as much as I could. This meant becoming comfortable with letting go of people. So, I started in the obvious place, social media. I blocked any and everyone who became toxic to me or didn’t seem to bring peace to my life.

The problem that comes with this new mentality is something I don’t hear people talking a lot about. It may seem simple and obvious, but apparently blocking people does not cause them to stop existing. Who knew!?!

Perhaps this is easier for people who live in larger cities. But here in Lufkin, it’s difficult to go anywhere without seeing everyone you know. Blocking and choosing to keep people out of your life is healthy and all, but it doesn’t cause the feelings you had for them to get blocked as well. My heart stops, drops, skips, whatever you want to call it, every time I see one of my blocked friends in public. I want so badly to speak to them while simultaneously being anxious about how they hurt me in the first place.

We just don’t talk enough about this. I still love and have very fond memories of these people. So fond that it’s sad and painful to even look at my Facebook memories anymore. I don’t go out any longer and I am always on alert when running errands so I don’t bump into the wrong someone.

All anyone wants in life is to be happy and to be around people who contribute to that happiness. But it’s often difficult to find our way through the emotional journey that happiness takes us on. Regret is not shameful. Being apologetic is not weakness. Exclusivity when it comes to who is allowed to stay in your life is not selfish, it’s a necessity, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Try your very best to hold on to the fond memories of those blocked individuals. Forgive them for the hurt they caused, and forgive yourself for letting it happen. Learn and grow, understanding that nothing is forever. All our lives move forward, friends come and go and sometimes come back, but time continues no matter what.

Time doesn’t not heal or fix things, but it does allow us to step back and gain some clarity on our lives. We learn to process and deal with things, almost like a reboot. We come through it all, a better version of ourselves. So stop beating yourself up (speaking to myself here as well) let go of the anxieties and guilt in your heart. Keep moving forward and learning how to be the version of you that you can be proud of!

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